So at work yesterday we only had pink spoons to hand out for the frozen yogurt and every male asked if we had a different color spoon because they did not like pink and it’s femininity and lemme tell u that this proves boys are weak and a fuckjng pink spoon proved that
When I haven’t been on Tumblr all day I’m like:
i damn sure wish yall wouldve posted this at 1 o clock when the shit came out
(Source: lloydtheabstrac, via thisblogisnotgovernmentapproved)
you cant get in my pants unless you have these under yours
#1 reason why not to install a cat door in your bedroom
there is a story behind this and I don’t think I want to hear it.
Actually there’s a person behind it but yes
i just shaved my legs wanna feel
(Source: mumfordy, via needsmoreexplosions)
Source For more posts like this, follow the Ultrafacts Blog!
i really like this ultrafact because the setup implies something funny or unexpected is going to happen, but not only is the ‘punchline’ actually just standard torturous murder but the lack of punctuation adds a bizarre, text-post quality to the tone. syntactically speaking this ultrafact is a piece of accidental genius
The Mongol Empire was the safest place in the world as long as you didn’t backstab the Mongols.
To add to this, he actually sent two. The first was to sorta present a message of peace telling the leader in essence “We’re both great leaders of great empires and equals in stature.” and after the fucker killed the first caravan he sent another to figure out what the hell happened because maybe the fucker didn’t know who he was.
Then he invaded and utterly erased the empire off the face of the earth
Did you guys know that Genghis Khan even went so far as to divert a river through the Khwarezmid emperor’s birthplace, erasing it from the map? This was how mad the emperor made Genghis feel. (Source)
ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.
The girl you just called hot? That me
i couldn’t make this up even if i tried
There’s an abundance of bad things happening right now, and it’s hard not to be sucked into that black hole of sadness, so let’s have a puppy party shall we.
Because, let’s face it, dogs never grow up.
when you and ya bestfriend say something at the exact same time
When pizzas are ready to be sent off
To their new homes
They sit under the heat-lamp
Away from the oven.
I returned from a delivery,
A triple delivery,
And saw seven pizzas facing out.
Ready to meet their new families.
But I was ready to go home too.
I made an…